Miles to Go Before I Sleep

I’ve just put myself through three months of torture (although the most amazing, beneficial, and even fun torture possible), but I’ve still got so much to do. My portfolio site is coming together, but I’m running into a problem I’ve had forever. I’m terrible at “selling” myself. I am, in fact, a master at underselling myself, and this is a habit I have to break.

In true procrastinator fashion, I REALLY want to trace back the origins of this attitude. I want to investigate heritage and culture and ascribe my reticence to put myself forward on all sorts of mitigating factors. But it really just comes down to fear. What if I’m not good enough? What if my work isn’t good enough? What if I’ve sacrificed all this time and money for nothing?

It’s crazy because I’m still a beginner but I want to judge myself as if I’ve been doing this for years. I’m still developing my voice and style and sampling around to see what my likes and dislikes are. Right now I default to the github/heroku path for app version control and hosting, but maybe next week I’ll find something I love even more. This is a perfectly rational thought, but for some reason I let it stall me from just putting myself out there.

So this is my public commitment to put myself out there. My portfolio site is here. If you go there, you’ll see that it’s still filled with placeholder text and and it’s very much a work in progress. But that’s the point. I’m still a work in progress and there will always be something I want to work on and improve, so I’m just going to start letting myself off the hook and sharing my progress along the way. I’m going to break my fear of judgment by letting go of judging myself. And if you’re here this very second, you’ll get to share in the joy of watching that site evolve and reflect my personality and character, and very soon you’ll see it reflecting my work and things I’ve built.

This month especially will be one where I’ll get to share leaps and bounds progress-wise. I hope you enjoy experiencing this evolution because I’m applying the knowledge I gained during my time at the Iron Yard and it brings me so much joy to find out I actually “know” something. It actually brings me just as much joy to learn something as well.

Before my time here, a lot of information I read or learned came under the category of “trivia”. Now I’m learning things that allow me to create new things or put that knowledge to work in existing apps. I can’t wait to show off what I’ve learned and what I’m learning. I hope you enjoy it, too!

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